Coconut Telegraph

So I started writing this blog last night (the 8th) and began it with three sentences: "Hate is a very strong word. There are 3 things in this world that I hate. One of them is traveling on airplanes."

…how wrong I was. It is not the airPLANE part that is horrible. It is the airport. For example, today I was supposed to fly to Dublin, layover 2 hours, and then go to Paris and be there by 3pm. INSTEAD i flew to Belfast. Went through customs. Took a 2.5 hour bus ride to Dublin. Waited in the Dublin airport for 4 hours. FINALLY got a flight to Paris. Will not arrive at my hotel until around 1130pm Paris time.

As I write this, I am 3,000 feet (or however high airplanes get…really I have absolutely no clue) above the Atlantic ocean, en route to Dublin. I don't know how to say it any way other than this, so I'll be brief: this plane ride is amazing. Fantastic. The best travel experience I've had in years. (and not just because I can now drink legally…though that doesn't hurt.)

Let me give some background here…I hate flying. By hate, I mean fear- excessively. I have never been able to sleep on planes because of this anxiety (which really hindered my red-eye to Dublin) Honestly, this is the first plane ride I've taken alone since a trip to California when I was 14. Not having someone hold my hand at takeoff makes me extremely anxious, almost as anxious as the fact that I forgot to remove my fake ID from my wallet… which will likely get searched in light of airport security always thinking that I am a "suspicious character."

Anyway… I started writing this last night with the intention of getting rid of some of my last minute anxiety in the form of writing…I wrote about typical complaints concerning airports and getting from one place to another. About how for some reason, no matter where in America you fly, you always have to stopover in Charlotte, North Carolina. Personally, I've never been outside in Charlotte, but I know that airport like the back of my hand. The only thing worse than Charlotte, North Carolina is the incompetence of the people working at airports. I don't know how they do it, but the most incompetent people somehow always manage to find the jobs from which they are least likely to be fired. Usually, these jobs are in airport security.

Today, I have had a revelation of sorts. It all makes sense. All of this mess with traveling in America is only done to force us to travel internationally. International flights are fantastic.

Here is why (i really enjoyed the numerical organization of the last entry, so i'll give that one more go)

1. duty free shopping: so i've been to 4 or 5 different countries in the last twenty years… but never have i witnessed ANYTHING like what just occurred. (in fact, it is what caused me to take out this computer on the plane) SO… the flight attendants (who, by the way, are decked out in bright green in light of us flying to Dublin and all) walk down the isles (plural) with the carts that usually contain hundreds of bags of pretzels. International flights don't mess with amateur plane staples like pretzels…these carts are FULL of cartons of cigarettes and big bottles of liquor. tax. free. Now honestly, I don't smoke and I was too tired to buy anything else. But still. Truthfully, I've never seen anything like it.

2. the food- if you don't like the food on airplanes, I hate you. I'm not talking about the mediocre generic chips/pretzels…I mean the real meals. Dinner. The good stuff. Honestly, I'm pretty sure I'm the only person who feels this way so I won't even try and persuade anyone of this. I am aware that I'm alone in this, but one day, everyone else will see the error of their ways. Granted I am hoping to eat pasta in Rome that is better than the chicken teriyaki that was just served on this flight…

3. technology- technology is great. There is no better way to see how technology has progressed than on airplanes. The other day I was talking to someone online WHILE he was in an airplane. (I'm pretty sure that's only on SouthWest though) Since then, I have had a sneaking suspicion that I've been missing out on some serious upgrades in the world of flying. I was right. Let me lay this out for you…I have been on this plane for 4 hours and this is what I have done: watched 2 episodes of Sex and the City, 1 episode of friends, and 1 episode of House. I have played hangman for approximately 20 minutes, played "in flight trivia" (never knew i could be so competitive with strangers) for at least another 30, and played (and failed miserably) at who wants to be a millionaire for a little while after that. Then, I looked at my movie options. There were 23. Twenty. Three. Aer Lingus, you have blown my mind.

4. Skymall- This is without question the best part about flying- and (bonus) they even have it when you're traveling in America. Everything that you would never, ever need but have always wanted is in Skymall. I'm pretty sure they invented snuggies like a century before they were advertised on TV. They also sell collars that tell you what your dog is thinking. And 8 foot tall blow up palm trees that glow in the dark and turn into sprinklers when it gets too hot. Seriously.

I'm pretty sure that at this point, It's 1:30 in the morning so I'm going to try and get some sleep... Though with the obese 12 year old to my left, that could pose as a challenge. I guess some things will never change.